Stepping outside loneliness

“I’m lonely,” she says. She had just started dating at the time.

Doesn’t Buzzfeed say romance is the cure to feeling alone?

Or friendship?

I remember curling up in my bed in the house I shared with four other girls on Adelaide. Hearing them laugh together, I turned my face to the wall, feeling claustrophobic. Why did the weight of loneliness press against me even when I lived with my best friends?

No one understands me.

It’s the reigning lie of isolation.

I am lonely one night when I stay up too late to scroll through the stages of his happiness. I can’t will myself to double tap on his success, so I remain an anonymous on-looker.

They have it better.

That is what the world shows us and that is what I show the world. We all chip in tools to build the wall.

I’m lonely one night when I call her, seeking connection. She’s busy and distracted–maybe lonely too.

The pursuit of connection is not worth the risk of rejection.

So, I turn to myself for support, to all the things I can do to be self-sustainable. I sign up for races, for retreats, for courses. I make travel plans.

But even I am a lousy cure for loneliness.

It’s when I step outside in the evening and my running shoes find a rhythm against the sidewalk that I feel loneliness evaporate in the evening light.

The victory is yours.

You alone are worthy.

The worship songs come full blast through my earbuds and I want to lift my hands right there in the middle of the sidewalk.

Because loneliness is not broken by a change in situation, but with the choice to worship.

With the simple choice to step outside and say the truth out loud.

You are greater.

 

 

 

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One thought on “Stepping outside loneliness

  1. Thanks for writing this Kate.
    Being single and at times lonely is difficult. I have many years experience at this. Losing my dog Bobbie makes it even more difficult.
    I do what you do find peace in nature, that is why I love where I live.
    Being able to walk along the beach of Lake Huron seeing the ever changing coast line, walking up the steep embankment to try to find a way up closer to my home, only to be turned back not knowing where I am on the bank. I realize how lonely it is.
    Being single has its Benifits being able to do what I please, cook and eat what and when I want.
    But you still want to feel less lonely.
    I follow your blog and another which I just love. I feel less lonely knowing in the mornings I can read what my favourite Quilter is up to,seeing where she thas been and what she plans on doing.
    In the mornings it like I have someone there with me while I have my morning coffee.

    You are young and have so much to look forward to. I pray you find someone perfect for you.
    I’ve loved and lost many times, it doesn’t make it easier, but I’ve learned what I don’t want in a relationship.
    I look towards your grandma and Richard and the fact they found each other so late in life, and I’m hopeful that maybe someday I will be fortunate enough to find that.
    But I believe it will never happen.

    Love Aunt Wendy

    Like

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