“I’m lonely,” she says. She had just started dating at the time.
Doesn’t Buzzfeed say romance is the cure to feeling alone?
I remember curling up in my bed in the house I shared with four other girls on Adelaide. Hearing them laugh together, I turned my face to the wall, feeling claustrophobic. Why did the weight of loneliness press against me even when I lived with my best friends?
No one understands me.
It’s the reigning lie of isolation.
I am lonely one night when I stay up too late to scroll through the stages of his happiness. I can’t will myself to double tap on his success, so I remain an anonymous on-looker.
They have it better.
That is what the world shows us and that is what I show the world. We all chip in tools to build the wall.
I’m lonely one night when I call her, seeking connection. She’s busy and distracted–maybe lonely too.
The pursuit of connection is not worth the risk of rejection.
So, I turn to myself for support, to all the things I can do to be self-sustainable. I sign up for races, for retreats, for courses. I make travel plans.
But even I am a lousy cure for loneliness.
It’s when I step outside in the evening and my running shoes find a rhythm against the sidewalk that I feel loneliness evaporate in the evening light.
The victory is yours.
You alone are worthy.
The worship songs come full blast through my earbuds and I want to lift my hands right there in the middle of the sidewalk.
Because loneliness is not broken by a change in situation, but with the choice to worship.
With the simple choice to step outside and say the truth out loud.
You are greater.