golden clay

The one shadow of light that layers, like a refreshing fog, the whole weekend of giving thanks is the cross. The table with the yellow kitchen light reflecting off familiar faces as we eat our turkey and pumpkin pie is just a road sign. The morning sun warming my hand on the steering wheel as I hum to country music is just a glimpse. The preacher, my dad, who points at the passage in 1 Corinthians 13 and speaks of agape love is just a sound byte. These are God’s gifts, yes. But, what wraps them with beauty and awakens my soul to see their value is the cross, shrouding my life with its light.

Hands raised to the heavens while the whole world, the mountains and seas beneath crumble into each other. I think life is the most beautiful thing when its laid flat and bare before the heavens. Open palms. I realize it today when my dear friends drive slowly down our long lane and out onto the open highway. I stand and wave goodbye, a shrinking figure who fades into the purple and orange horizon. I want to hold onto them. I want to know that everything I know right now will never change. But this is what I know deep down. When we clench our fists tight upon the gifts that God sprinkles upon us, we close our palms to His future downpour of blessings. Open up hands, heart, soul. Don’t hang onto one precious pearl, when a sea filled with oysters is spread from east to west just beyond the next turn.

I wake up ten minutes too late. I skim through a chapter in Proverbs, scribble a few words in my journal, and rush out the door to go to work. I breathe a quick prayer in the car. But, really, my whole day is ruined now that I haven’t spent my half hour in prayer or focused time in the Word. There’s no point in trying to be like Christ for the rest of the day because I’ve already failed.

Since when is our relationship with Jesus defined by a check-mark on our schedule?

Nowhere in Scripture does it give us a checklist for our daily walk with the Lord. Oh to know Him in the moment by moment struggles, busyness, and scribbled-full calendars! Walk with Him. Talk with Him. And if you fail, don’t waste a second thought on it. Move forward by His grace, by His side.

Don’t
Read
Any
Further.
DANGER ZONE.

So, she asks me in that sweet voice of hers how she can pray for me. Every time, without fail, that question falls heavy on my heart. I want to ask back. What not to pray for?

But this time it’s easy. I know what she means. There’s something richer than my thoughts and feelings fighting its way to the surface, forming itself into words. My soul needs sharpened. That’s it. I know I’m in the war zone. The Enemy is all around, wanting to destroy me, my family, my friends. There’s a grogginess in my soul; I’m not looking for his tactics. Its like I took my night vision goggles off and I’m stumbling blindly, trying to avoid temptation, sin, evil. How can I avoid it when my gaze is not pinned on Jesus?

Alert. Ready. Equipped. We pray.

Is your soul sharpened? Christian, do you remember that we’re in a battle? Right now.

 

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9

They came one at a time, stopped on their journey to classes with heavy backpacks and bags pulling their shoulders down. Their eyes were swimming with questions. They picked out pictures to describe their life, their spiritual journey, their view of God. Here they were needing answers: The One Right Answer. It would satisfy them, put their searching at rest. I heard Julie speaking the Answer to the man with the sweet smile. She was laying it all out with hand gestures, words and her own changed soul: the cross. The cross satisfies the longing soul.

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9

What does it mean that He fills with good things? Isn’t He goodness only? He fills us with Himself as we hunger for Him. We ask for peace, He gives us peace. We ask for joy, He gives us joy. An inch, a tablespoon? No! The gallon overflowing. He fills. Just ask.

We sit around the table with Bibles laid out flat and iPhones giving off the glow of the Holy Words. The leaders, they look around the table and tell us we should memorize Scripture. My first reaction is an inward groan: I have too many terms, history dates and cadences to memorize. But, my eyes meet this verse and I decide to chew on it for a week.

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9

I’m out of the gym and fighting this cold, swaying wall, snowflakes falling thick and sticking on my clothes. And I realize it then, as a weight bears me down inside with the loss of a loved one. While my heart aches, nothing else is pulled sagging. I look back on the faithfulness of God lifting me up. He’s let me feel to learn how to love, but hasn’t let break. And I know this indescribable peace. It comes to the eve of one more day of books, deadlines and lectures for this week, and all I can whisper to my weeping heart is: He is good.

Who said the Old Testament isn’t helpful to everyday. I read how God delivers them all from their enemies. How all Judah bent their knees before Jehovah, a grand surrender. I meet the day with a smile.

I’ve heard stories about how people die.

Some go, lifting hands to heaven, a smile flickering and fading out.

Some go, clenching fist to heart, the face hardened as the heart inside.

How will you go?

I wonder sometimes, especially on days like today when the phone-call comes. That dear one is no longer here to be loved.

But, the funeral, the phone-call, the heart weighed down make me wonder: How will I go?

I hope…I trust…I know, if not hands held out to heaven, then soul held tight in Jesus’ hands.

How will you go?