golden clay

It was the third time I checked my e-mail in five minutes.

What it is it about silence that scares the world, that scares me? Why do we have to know everything that is happening all the time with everyone? We have to feel connected to a thousand faces we don’t recognize, a hundred ‘friends’ we don’t even know. Space is not empty, but filled with e-mails, messages, posts, and tweets. What if all that was gone? What if everything we own and everything that owns us didn’t exist anymore?

Nothing is left, but you and God.

You can’t pull out a phone and text to avoid eye contact.

Would you know what to say to Him? Would you be restless and lost?

Oh, let us not live to be connected with the world, but live to be connected with God!

If I checked in with God every time I was planning on checking my e-mail, messaging a friend, scrolling the Facebook home-page, my life would be filled with time in His presence. It is time, Christ-lovers, to use these connections as tools, the way God intended.

I went through flashcard after flashcard today, along with five mugs of hot chocolate, tea, and coffee. How do you stay focused on heavenly things when little tasks demand the mechanics of the mind? Abide, abide, abide. I am just clay, learning how to let Him shape my thoughts.

We’re down the stairs and out the doors like an upset bee-hive. The frigid air presses its fingers on our cheeks, leaving big round red spots. Now, we’re a circle of girls, and it feels like school is out for summer. The clouds laugh and shake themselves merrily, white dandruff falling slowly. Its only Christmas break.

But, I find myself face-to-face with all of God’s gifts. They smile and chat. I am still, with a smile of wonder. How did so much change, and I didn’t know it until now? Oh, to trust Him when we don’t see anything, and thank Him when we finally do.

It’s Sunday. I’m a Christian. And I don’t want to go to church.

It is almost the month where signs of peace are plastered on store windows, arranged in small block letters on mantles in the living room, and read at every Christmas play. But I don’t know the meaning of peace. The Prince of Peace came to earth to take away fear, anxiety, and timidity, and I am still a mess as exams get ready to beat me up. This morning, I realize that there never really is an end to the things one can worry about and fret over on this earth. And this exam period is just another way that I can love Jesus, that I can know Peace and learn peace. Join me?

I remember standing on the stage while the audience applauded, my face shining joy. And I remember what it felt like to dream I was on my way to becoming a concert pianist. Now I wonder how to bring Him glory when I am standing in the middle of the stage, the spotlight highlighting me against the black backdrop. Are we to agonize over His glory? He commands us first to love Him. So, I live out my life and let my heart love Him fully. And when I get on stage, still loving Him, He takes care of His glory.

I smell like gingerbread latte, and there is laughter all around me, jazz against the clink of dishes. All I can think about is my thesis for the next essay that is due. When can I finally find time for God in this life? If we forget to pause now to think on Him, to speak with Him, we come to the final sentence of life and just…

He gave us time, this time. Will we grab the moment and hold it close and ring it dry with Him?

I drizzle syrup onto my French toast and it flows onto my plate, a sweet soup. We just want to know the will of God. Do we sometimes wonder if God is hiding it from us? Should we be doctors, missionaries, or musicians? But, what really is the will of God? Is it not that we give Hin glory and make Him famous? I sip my coffee, and my friend takes her last bite, her empty plate smiles about its lifted burden. God told us His will a long time ago. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Let’s lift up grateful hands for these circumstances now and live His will this moment, trusting Him for the next.

Another year blows itself right out like the birthday candles on my favourite cheesecake this weekend. I’m reminded again how life is today and death is tomorrow. What joy to live life well, to give everything up, and enter those gates of glory worn down. Today is the day to hold nothing back. Eternity will fill us up again. Lovers of Jesus, surrender it all. Now.

When I cannot trace the contours of His face or feel the warmth of His hand pressing into my back, I will trust Him still. The darkness even throws shadows on the light and I’m wandering down mazes. But, His voice leads me out. His voices leads me to the daylight, to the golden gates, to life.