golden clay

It’s the eve before a new year and I am terrified. I’m scared to throw open the age old door and beckon the the days and months into my life. What is it about the future that knits my stomach into knots? The year could bring so many things: death, life, trials, achievements, happiness or sadness. I guess its the hard things that scare me. When I peek down the dark alleyway of a new year, I wonder about the trials that I’ll face.

But, what Christian need wonder? I know only this: “I AM”.

The year ahead is a vein pumping life into my soul. Whatever befalls, the Lord…is. Need we have another care?

So, I think about one word. What is it I want Him to mold into my soul this year?

Contentment. Peace. I want to be right where I am.

So, I peek again into the blackness behind the door. Then, I throw it wide and the year shines with His glorious light, seeping into my every day, every hour, every moment.

The candles are angels, shadows of the glory of the greater God. They flicker yellow calm through the warm kitchen. The tree is wrapped up in light.

Why the discontent in hearts then?

I travel home one snowy evening before Christmas, carols and laughter echoing in my ears. And I don’t say anything, but he does, gripping the steering wheel with one finger.

“People are so unhappy until they learn to accept change. I remember when I was your age, and I thought I just had to grin and bear it until I got past university. Then everything would settle out and be okay. But, the decisions just get harder, you know. You have to learn now that the only constant thing about life is change. Until you embrace it, you will be very unhappy.”

I cringe. There’s an empty seat at our table this Christmas. What if I saw the empty chair as a place for a new guest or an opportunity for new memories?

The first Christmas was one of change, the whole world turning over in its sleep and opening its glazed eyes to the birth of God’s Son. And there’s one other constant thing besides change: Jesus. So, as Christmas is different this year, find contentment not in the traditions and the comforts, but in the reason for these gifts. Contentment HIMself.

It was the third time I checked my e-mail in five minutes.

What it is it about silence that scares the world, that scares me? Why do we have to know everything that is happening all the time with everyone? We have to feel connected to a thousand faces we don’t recognize, a hundred ‘friends’ we don’t even know. Space is not empty, but filled with e-mails, messages, posts, and tweets. What if all that was gone? What if everything we own and everything that owns us didn’t exist anymore?

Nothing is left, but you and God.

You can’t pull out a phone and text to avoid eye contact.

Would you know what to say to Him? Would you be restless and lost?

Oh, let us not live to be connected with the world, but live to be connected with God!

If I checked in with God every time I was planning on checking my e-mail, messaging a friend, scrolling the Facebook home-page, my life would be filled with time in His presence. It is time, Christ-lovers, to use these connections as tools, the way God intended.

I went through flashcard after flashcard today, along with five mugs of hot chocolate, tea, and coffee. How do you stay focused on heavenly things when little tasks demand the mechanics of the mind? Abide, abide, abide. I am just clay, learning how to let Him shape my thoughts.

We’re down the stairs and out the doors like an upset bee-hive. The frigid air presses its fingers on our cheeks, leaving big round red spots. Now, we’re a circle of girls, and it feels like school is out for summer. The clouds laugh and shake themselves merrily, white dandruff falling slowly. Its only Christmas break.

But, I find myself face-to-face with all of God’s gifts. They smile and chat. I am still, with a smile of wonder. How did so much change, and I didn’t know it until now? Oh, to trust Him when we don’t see anything, and thank Him when we finally do.

It’s Sunday. I’m a Christian. And I don’t want to go to church.

It is almost the month where signs of peace are plastered on store windows, arranged in small block letters on mantles in the living room, and read at every Christmas play. But I don’t know the meaning of peace. The Prince of Peace came to earth to take away fear, anxiety, and timidity, and I am still a mess as exams get ready to beat me up. This morning, I realize that there never really is an end to the things one can worry about and fret over on this earth. And this exam period is just another way that I can love Jesus, that I can know Peace and learn peace. Join me?

I remember standing on the stage while the audience applauded, my face shining joy. And I remember what it felt like to dream I was on my way to becoming a concert pianist. Now I wonder how to bring Him glory when I am standing in the middle of the stage, the spotlight highlighting me against the black backdrop. Are we to agonize over His glory? He commands us first to love Him. So, I live out my life and let my heart love Him fully. And when I get on stage, still loving Him, He takes care of His glory.

I smell like gingerbread latte, and there is laughter all around me, jazz against the clink of dishes. All I can think about is my thesis for the next essay that is due. When can I finally find time for God in this life? If we forget to pause now to think on Him, to speak with Him, we come to the final sentence of life and just…

He gave us time, this time. Will we grab the moment and hold it close and ring it dry with Him?

I drizzle syrup onto my French toast and it flows onto my plate, a sweet soup. We just want to know the will of God. Do we sometimes wonder if God is hiding it from us? Should we be doctors, missionaries, or musicians? But, what really is the will of God? Is it not that we give Hin glory and make Him famous? I sip my coffee, and my friend takes her last bite, her empty plate smiles about its lifted burden. God told us His will a long time ago. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Let’s lift up grateful hands for these circumstances now and live His will this moment, trusting Him for the next.